Goodbye for now, Nina & Wes.

The time has come.

In some ways, I’ve been dreading this post.  I’ve been procrastinating, and holding off on sharing it, because every time I think of sharing this news, my heart beats rapidly, and I feel like I can’t click “send”.

Let’s just get right to it, because there’s no point in beating around the bush.

We are closing the doors on our photography business.

There.  I said it.

Now the whole world will know…well, at least the few of you that still pay attention to this feed, will know.  😉

This is not sudden.  This has been on the horizon for almost 2 years.  I just didn’t know we’d be fully closing down.  And I didn’t know when. Some of you have figured it out, and some of you know because we’ve not kept it hidden when people asked.  But this is the first public acknowledgement of this change of course in our story.

So that’s the bare bones of the story.  If that’s all you need, then by all means, keep scrolling to the next account.  If you want a little more meat, and the background to this decision, keep reading. It’s about get REAL deep.

About two years ago I was struggling to let go of my business.  I don’t mean I was struggling to stop shooting.  I was struggling to let go of the tight grip.  If you know me at all, you know I am that Jesus girl who never shies from talking about her faith.  I fully believe God is present in this world, and moving among us.  And I believe that if we ask Him for something, he’s going to respond in some way.  And I knew that if I let go of this business, and asked God to move, he would.

I started this photography business over 12 years ago, when a friend of mine asked me to shoot his wedding.  I had been a hobby photographer since the time I got my first point-and-shoot at 8 years old.  When my friend asked me to shoot his wedding, I said no.  I was pretty emphatic about it too.  There was no way I was going to be responsible for someone’s memories on one of the most important days of their lives! But after a lot of encouragement from my husband, I finally said yes.  I didn’t even have a professional camera at the time.  The groom loaned me his!  Yup…pretty comical, right? And when that beach wedding turned out some decent photos, a little flame of confidence was started. I didn’t realize it then, but on that weekend in North Carolina, Nina Mullins Photography was born.

The next year I shot two weddings, and year after year our business grew.  Wes shot every single wedding with me over 12 years, except for 5, and three of those were last year when he went to study at Oxford University in the UK.  That’s a pretty amazing partner in life, if you ask me.  Photography was never his passion, and yet he committed fully to making this business work with me.

In 2012 we attended two workshops that would change the trajectory of our business.  First we attended a workshop hosted by Jill Lafleur on Maui.  I convinced Wes that we needed to spend the money to go because this would benefit our business greatly.  And I was right!  You see, there was this little-known photographer that would be speaking at the workshop…his name was Jose Villa.  Just kidding…he wasn’t “little-known”.  He was probably THE most well-known film photographer in the wedding industry!  Honestly, film was his specialty, but that’s not why he was so well-known.  He was known because he was an AMAZING photographer (still IS!), and he deserved all the accolades he received.  He was a pioneer for so many of us that shoot film now.  And I was a BIG fan.  I was so nervous when I first met him.  I felt like I was meeting a celebrity!  I mean, he kind of IS a celebrity in the wedding world.  At the same time, we also got to meet his husband, Joel Serrato, and the two of them rocked our world when it came to introducing us to the world of film and business.  Jose’s was the first Contax 645 I ever held, and Joel was the one that taught me how to use it. I used to say that when I first looked through that glass on the Contax, I was like a giddy fan at a Justin Bieber concert.  I feel like that analogy might be a little dated now, so let’s just say that I was CRAZY excited.  I felt this breath of newness and enthusiasm rush through me.  Prior to that trip to Maui, I was feeling stagnant in our business.  Holding that Contax 645, and being taught be some of the industry greats, was a turning point in my career.

We returned to Kentucky from Maui with our hearts ablaze.  A new passion had been ignited in me, and I was ready to do something new.  We started shooting weddings on medium format film, and we continued to glean wisdom from both Jose and Joel.  We even attended Jose’s workshop that following November, and let me just tell you…if you’ve ever been lucky enough to attend a Jose Villa workshop, you know what I’m talking about…you will be ruined for all other workshops.  It was amazing in every way…the food, the hacienda in Mexico, the teachers, the shoots, the new friendships and connections…everything was amazing.  2012 was a turning point professionally and personally.  And in 2013 we became Nina & Wes Photography. It was official…Wes was now good enough to be in the name, as he likes to joke.  😉

After that workshop, we began to be published on a regular basis in magazines and blogs that were highly sought-after.  We met amazing people along the way.  We shot weddings in Mexico, Sweden, Norway, Canada, and all over the United States. My dreams of traveling the world as a photographer were coming to fruition.  I was busy ALL the time, and also the mom to two little babies that were growing quickly.  Life was exciting, and often stressful.  But I was living my dream!

In 2014 a dream was birthed within me.  I woke up one morning with the idea to host a workshop in Nepal that would be all about using our businesses to give back.  I thought it was an impossible idea, but I couldn’t shake it.  And in 2015, we hosted our first Beyond Workshop.  It was an amazing week with some of the most amazing people, and a backdrop (the Himalayan Mountains!) that couldn’t be beat.  In March of 2016, we hosted another, and even more people joined us.  My heart was set on fire.  This was what I had always longed for.  I was the luckiest girl in the world!

Then a shift happened.  In the Spring of 2016 I realized I had been holding our business super close…my grip was tight, and I didn’t know how to let go.  I knew that God was asking me to surrender it to him, but I wasn’t ready.  If I let it go, what if God asked me to shut it down?  What would I do then?

Finally, in the summer of 2016, I was ready.  I was scared, but I was ready.  And on some random (or maybe not-so random) evening, I told Wes that I wanted to let go.  I was ready. We were on our knees in my office, and I released our business.  I opened my hands and let go.  I said, “God, this business is yours.  You grew it, and brought us all the amazing people along the way. If you have something different for us, show us.  If this is right where we need to stay, show us.”  And that was that.  There were no big revelations in that moment.  There were no fireworks and definitely no angels singing (at least not that I could see or hear!).  But in my spirit, I knew that perhaps a little ripple had been started.

That summer we made plans to go to England.  I had been devouring the works of C.S. Lewis, and I wanted to visit all of his old stomping grounds in Oxford.  I found a depth and truth in his words that had profoundly affected my heart and mind.  In fact, over that last year I had been reading a LOT of books that were changing my worldview and even my faith. Beliefs that I had been clinging to for my entire life were being shattered.  Some remained, but many were either vastly transformed, or obliterated completely.

So we made this plan to go to Oxford for a few days, and then we’d spend a few days on the coast of Cornwall, enjoying the ocean waves. And for the first time in 10 years, I did NOT plan a shoot where we were traveling to.  You see, we wedding photographers have a fatal flaw…when we vacation, we rarely vacation.  We see beauty, and we HAVE to capture it.  We HAVE to “build our portfolio”.  We are compelled.  We can’t stop ourselves.  Well…this time…I stopped myself.  I decided I wouldn’t plan a shoot, and I wouldn’t answer ANY emails.  I wouldn’t even LOOK at my emails.  This was a first for me.  It would be 10 days with no work.  In my mind, I had had tons of vacations!  I traveled to Hawaii, and Norway, and Mexico, and so many amazing places!  So I convinced myself that I was always vacationing.  I was always taking breaks.  But in actuality, I was simply working with a different backdrop.  The fjords of Norway were in front of me, but I was editing photos and answering stressful emails while looking at them.  The deserts of California were whispering their secrets to me as I looked out over them, but as I looked, I was reviewing my calendar to make sure I was keeping up with all the clients that needed me.  I was NEVER resting.  I had tricked myself into thinking that rest was a beautiful location.  And while it was always amazing and awe-inspiring, and I am SO thankful that I got to see so many amazing places, and meet so many amazing people, the truth is, I was tired.  I just didn’t know it at the time.

On September 20th, 2018 we landed in London, and made our way to Oxford, about an hour and a half away.  I felt a welling happening inside of me.  That ripple was no longer a ripple, but a spring starting to bubble.

We found our Airbnb just outside the city, dropped our things off, and made our way down a footpath (I LOVE the public footpaths of England!) to a local restaurant. As we walked that beautiful footpath, where the emerald green grass of the countryside made a bed for the uninterested cows in the distance, a happiness started gushing out of me.  I mean, it was uncontainable.  It was that kind of happiness that you experience as a child when you got to see Cinderella’s castle for the first time, or you got to shake Chewbacca’s hand and even hold Luke SkyWalker’s lightsaber.  This childlike joy spilled out of me, and I turned around and looked at Wes, and blurted out, “I AM SO HAPPY!!!”  with a joy I hadn’t felt in years.  Heck, I don’t even remember the last time I felt that joyful.  I felt like a little girl, and my spirit was full of innocence and wonder.

From lunch we made our way into Oxford to Magdalen College, the school C.S. Lewis was a tutor at…the school he first met God at…the school that was home to Addison’s Walk, the very path that Hugo Dyson, J.R.R. Tolkien, and C.S. Lewis walked on EXACTLY 85 years previously (i wasn’t aware of how special that date was at the time!).  On this walk they were making their way around Addison’s Walk and this is how Lewis speaks of it to his friend, Arthur Greeves, in a letter written on September 22nd (2 days later):

“He (Dyson) stayed the night with me in College -I sleeping in in order to be able to talk far into the night as one cd… Tolkien came too, and did not leave till 3 in the morning: and after seeing him out by the little postern on Magdalen bridge Dyson and I found still more to say to one another, strolling up and down the cloister of New Building, so that we did not get to bed till 4, It was really a memorable talk. We began (in Addison’s walk just after dinner) on metaphor and myth –interrupted by a rush of wind which came so suddenly on the still, warm evening and sent so many leaves pattering down that we thought it was raining. We all held our breath, the other two appreciating the ecstasy of such a thing almost as you would. We continued (in my room) on Christianity: a good long satisfying talk in which I learned a lot: then discussed the difference between love and friendship – then finally drifted back to poetry and books.”

As Wes and I walked around that path (Wes, still in a state of jet lag), I felt like I was floating.  The spring that was bubbling was now like a geyser, beginning to gush with unadulterated joy and hope. I was hoping for a great wind to rush through, just like that fateful night that Lewis and his friends experienced.  That wind didn’t come, but I heard something…It wasn’t an audible voice, but it came with the rushing waters…it said, “Walk with me in Expectation.”  I looked at Wes and told him immediately.  I said, “I feel like God is saying, ‘Walk with me in expectation.  Don’t set up your own expectations, though, because nothing you can expect or imagine can compare with what I have planned for you.'”

Overwhelmed.  I was overwhelmed.  In the very best of ways.  I was in tears.  The very best kind of tears.  In all honesty I hadn’t felt such pure joy in years.  I couldn’t even remember a time where I felt such innocent and pure emotion…pure joy.  My eyes were bright and my spirit was ablaze.

When we finally made our way back to our Airbnb that night, something was missing.  At first I wasn’t sure what it was, but it was big.  And then the realization came to me…the desire for our photography business had been extinguished.  I mean, not just slightly…not just a little…the desire was completely gone.  Just like that.  Like a vanished breath on a cold Winter’s night.

I don’t know if I was surprised by this feeling, or just overwhelmed by it.  Either way, the feeling was good.  It was right.  It was telling.

For the next 9 days, I cried nearly every day, but it was from pure joy.  I was experiencing God in a way I hadn’t experienced Him in years.  It was as if I was too distracted over the last 10 years to fully experience His nearness.  And it wasn’t until that first night in England that I realized that I hadn’t stopped working in 10 years.  The realization was epic.  How had I not noticed this until that night? Had I been that distracted?  Had I been that consumed by my business?  Perhaps.  I fully believe that God gave us those amazing 10 years in business.  He placed all kinds of amazing people in our paths.  But somewhere along the way, I lost myself.  I lived in a constant vein of stress, but I didn’t even know it.  I consider myself a fairly laid back person, and yet how many days did I wake up with a tightness in my chest, wondering which emails I would have to conquer that day, or how many weddings we would have to book in order to pay our bills.  I was so clueless.

And then came that fateful trip to England.  Everything changed.

Upon returning to Kentucky, I knew that our business would never be the same.  I didn’t know what our next steps would be, but I knew that that great driving force within me that had kept me pushing forward with our business, was now gone. I felt vulnerable….exposed.  I remember crying in bed one morning, asking Wes what in the world I would do if I didn’t shoot weddings.  I had been doing this business for so long.  I had NO idea what else I was qualified for.  I could plan travel like a beast.  I could talk to anyone in any part of the world.  I was great at dreaming, and doing my dreams.  I loved helping others believe in their dreams, too.  But how would that play into my future?  I didn’t know.  And to be honest, I still don’t know for sure.

And then, just a little over a year ago, in September of 2017, Wes made his way back to Oxford University, this time as a student.  Because of visa issues, the kids and I had to stay behind in Kentucky, and couldn’t join him until January of 2018.  It was hard.  I love my husband, and I actually LIKE to spend time with him.  He’s my best friend, and my partner in travel and adventure.  And for the first time in 14 years, we were going to be a part for more than 2 weeks.  I was devastated. What was God doing?

And yet, as one month passed, I began to acclimate to this new normal, and things got a little brighter.  We spoke every day, and his heart was becoming more and more alive, as he settled into his studies, and a place he was made for.  This brought so much joy to my heart.  And as I continued to ask God what was next for us and our business, even after we were reunited with Wes in January, the same answer kept coming back….”No more weddings.”  And soon that grew to “No more photography jobs.” At this point we were making NO money.  Our income was NADA.  We had a couple of hundred dollars coming in from our Young Living business (more on that exciting journey at another time), and a couple of hundred from some of our friends in the States.  But that was it.  And yet God was saying not to take on any more photography work, work that could bring us thousands of dollars of income in one day…work that could pay off all the debt that we were incurring from living in the most expensive city in the UK.  But God said, “No.  Just trust me.”

And so as the inquiries for weddings came in, I politely said that we weren’t “taking any weddings at this time”.  It felt crazy to keep repeating this over and over again, and yet there was a freedom in saying it, even if all of our surrounding circumstances declared that we were broke and needed the money.

And a strange thing began to happen as I would walk the footpaths around our house in Oxford.  At first I would pray, “God, please provide for our finances.  Please help us pay off these debts.” Nothing happened.  Silence.  And yet I continued to feel this overwhelming feeling that I could not accept any more photography jobs. It didn’t make sense.  After a few weeks of praying the same prayer, a shift occurred.  Instead of asking God to provide, I began to ask God to help me trust him more.  I asked him to increase my faith.  I realized that if I wanted his provision, I needed to actually trust him.  Yeah…not so easy.  And yet, the prayer continued.

I’m guessing that at about this point, you are thinking I’m about to announce some great revelation that came.  Or perhaps you are expecting me to declare the goodness of God’s provision, and tell you the story of how a series of anonymous checks started arriving in our mailbox, one after another, and all of our debt was miraculously paid off.  Nope.  That’s not our story.  At least, not yet.  Our story of faith and provision continues.  But it is a good story, and one worth telling.

You see, we are in the middle of an epic romance.  God’s love for us is being written over every day we continue to seek Him and his story for us.  He is crushing old and destructive thinking.  He is teaching us to walk again.  And it is so good.  It’s been painful at times, but sometimes that pain is needed in order to step into the beautiful life He has written just for us.

And so here we are.  We have a ton of credit card debt (yup…those school bills got put right on the plastic…this gives my best friend heart palpitations…I’m sure it does the same for many of you out there), and we have no guarantee that our new health and wellness business will go anywhere. But we believe it will.  We have vision and it’s extraordinary.  We have a crazy amount of peace, when the world is probably thinking we should be freaking out. We are trusting in a Father who created a universe full of life and beauty…and dreams.

So we say Thank You to God for these last 12 years of business and adventure.  We say Thank You to every client that made this business possible…every bride and groom that chose us for one of the most important days of our lives…every mom and dad that trusted us with capturing the first days of the lives of their babies…every one of you. We say Thank You to the teachers that inspired us, to the Jose Villas and the Jaclyn Journeys and the Carrie Moes and the Abany Bauers and the Ginny Au’s and the Sylvie Gils and the Jill LaFleurs and the Amy McVeys and all the rest who pushed us to be excellent and brave and bold as we pursued big dreams.  We say Thank You to my parents who ALWAYS encouraged us…to my mom who lovingly ALWAYS said I was better than ALL the other photographers because those Mamma eyes of hers saw nothing less.  We say Thank You to the friends that hired us and paid us real money when others thought we should work for free, because this job is “so easy”.  We say Thank You to the friends that cheered for us and supported us, even when we were too busy to hang out because business became overwhelming at times. We say THANK YOU.

We say Good Bye to this chapter of a much greater and bigger story.  Is this forever?  Possibly…we don’t know what will happen next.  But we are hopeful.  And we are expectant.  We walk in expectation with a Father who has things in store for us that are beyond our wildest imaginations.

Here’s to new beginnings, and to who knows what’s next.  It’s going to be an adventure.  It already is.

And for those of you in similar situations…listen to the deep longings within you…they are there for a reason.  You were made for more than you ever imagined.  God’s dreams are WAY bigger than yours.  Do you trust Him enough to lead the way?  Are you brave enough to ask him to show you how?  It doesn’t take a lot…just a simply, “I’ll try.”  He can work with that.

So….Goodbye for now.  The adventure is just beginning.

(if you want to continue to follow us on this wild ride, our personal journey is over at @magicisessential , and you can still always write us at hello@ninanadwes.com We’d love to hear about your own wild adventures! And don’t worry…we’ll keep shooting…we just won’t be getting paid the big bucks anymore. 😉 )